She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
