Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
