dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
