At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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