he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
