so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
