i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
