My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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