Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
