five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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