You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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