porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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