Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
