i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
