Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
