Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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