Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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