i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
