my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
false alarm. still invincible.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
