Tell her she can't have a vagina
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize