i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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