I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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