just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
