You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
