I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
