he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
