you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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