She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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