Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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