today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
