Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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