Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
