so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
