Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
