let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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