don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
