Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And then he peed in my hair
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