Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
