at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
