You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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