I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
id be glad to
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
