i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
