I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i came on her dog
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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