The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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