you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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