The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
