dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
