Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
