i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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