My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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