why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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