Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
