New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
