dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
