Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The uberlube is also flammable
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
