Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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