i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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