apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
