Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
