We're facebook friends in real life
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
