Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
