Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
