I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
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Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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