Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
