What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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