She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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