I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize