I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
