GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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