im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
