she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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