and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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