I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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