My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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