Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
