I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.