We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
