I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
