Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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