I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
