I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
