She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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