Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
