So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
