Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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