What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
