it's too hot outside to masturbate.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
