If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
