it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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