never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im part way to drunk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
