you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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