He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
