it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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