They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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