just come out here and I will go home with you...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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